Tesco II

In response to this charming letter Pat sent me in reply to this letter of complaint, I sent the following:

Dear Pat,

Firstly, I hope you have had a lovely bank holiday weekend. You will be pleased to hear that Agatha's gout has cleared up significantly since I last wrote, so we spent the weekend in the local woodland indulging in a spot of bird-watching. Unfortunately, the idyllic pleasures of the weekend were marred slightly by our stumbling across a young couple necking in the forest. Initially we thought we had heard the distinctive cry of a Red-backed Shrike, which I'm sure you're aware is an extremely rare and endangered species. Our excitement soon turned to dismay when we realised it was the sound of a disgustingly public display of hokey-pokey, but I am proud to report we did our duty as public citizens and thwarted the pair's licentious enterprise. Agatha, who plays the position of Goal Attack in the local over-65s netball team, placed the lubricious duo under citizens' arrest while I ran for the local constabulary. The miscreants were apprehended and Agatha and I resumed our bird-watching trip without further incident, although sadly without spotting a Red-backed Shrike.

To business: may I convey to you my appreciation for your timely reply. Despite Tesco's reputation for employing mindless automatons, you have proved to me that in fact corporations such as yours need not be completely faceless. For that, dear Pat, I applaud you. I would also like to extend my many thanks for your heartfelt and sincere apologies for the inadequately seasoned garlic bread I bought last week. I appreciate its deficiency was not anything to do with you, but I would like accept your gracious offer for a compensatory £5 moneycard. Agatha and I would be delighted to resample your garlic bread and, hopefully, this time we will not be disappointed.

Please find my address attached.

Yours appeasedly,

Derek Haselhurst-Horton